Jake Love Cakes

FHYHYFDYFAH

2009-07-23T17:56:00.000-07:00

fuck you!

f*ck y**

2009-07-15T10:25:00.000-07:00

i fuckin' hate you.

done is done.

heartbroken

2009-07-11T07:32:00.000-07:00

it's been a while since i posted a blog.

it's been a while since i write.

i know in writting all my feelings and emotion in a blog won't help me,

but will ease a little bit of what i am encountering right now.

somehow, i realised that if you love someone so pure and devine.

that you given everything to him.

that you know deep in your heart will be the reason of all the pain i am experiencing.

i hate him for abandoning me.

but i still love him and waits for his text or call.

i so stupid.

well i have to learn how to move on again.

in order to bring back my life.

the life that i have given to him.

the question is will i learn to let him go?

since you left me, my life is gone.

2008-06-25T15:03:00.000-07:00

i will admit it.
because of you.
i am what i am
you know that i loved you, i loved you so much that i could give my soul just for you.
but you throw that thing away.
i was broken.
i was hurt.
i moved on.
but still afraid to fall in love.
im with this amazing guy, who loves me for who i am.
love me for my worst..
a guy who wont leave me.
yea i love him.
but not as much as i love you before.

you're the one to blame.
you should told me before that you cant love me.
and you will just love me as friends.
because you know i will accept it.
what you choose to hurt me.
introduce in pain.
in depression.
now that i am totally move on, i am still afraid to give my whole heart to this amazing guy.
i love him so much, but i cant give my whole heart.
because once he left me, i will have nothing.

nothing,
me,
all alone.
again.

i am afraid to be in that side of the road.
so depress.
i want to die.
i want to melt.

i am still afraid to show what i really feels.
what the real me.

i am afraid to fall in love again.
i am in love with the idea of being in love and being love with.
but i cant imply this since i am still afraid.

afraid of pain.
afraid of misery.
afraid to be depress.

i try to took my life when you left me.
and i am thanking God that im still alive that the fact is i will meet an amazing guy.
but God left something and that's my trust.

trust to be loved by a guy.
i think all guys are like you.
all guys are liars.
what they say to me is just a lie.

whats wrong with me?
i trust guy when they say they care.
i fall in love too easily and get hurt too easily.

you took away the most beautiful thing in my life.
and that is.
my love.

my love to you.
my love to a guy.
my love to my friends.
my love to anyone.

you destroy my life.
and now,
i am coming back to take it back again.
to seek my revenge.

i am taking the back the life you stole.
i am here.
and.
i was here..

2008-06-21T01:41:00.000-07:00

MY GOD!
you're always like this.
everytime, EVERYTIME, i try to avoid you and erase you in my life.
you always show up.
like everything is fine!
i, myself, will pretend that everything is okay and i forgave you.

It's always like this, it's always the same!
the fact that im trying to forget you was working before.
but everytime you always show up..
BACK TO SQUARE ONE again!
you know that i can't resist you.
and i know that too.
but if you are a good friend and a bestfriend, you will lend me the time to think, to be happy.
you know that your always be my bestfriend..
all i need is time.

it's okay for me to talk to you, but everytime you are talking to me,
you always abandon me, neglected me, ignore me..and leave me like you are not talking to anyone.

DAMN IT!

you always do this things,
and i'm still not use of it!

Father's Day

2008-06-17T07:20:00.000-07:00

Dear Dad,

I am writting to you not to tell you that i still hate you, i'm writting to you to ask you how you feel and how we fell apart?
Are you happy out there in your own family? Have you ever think about you only daughter? Do you miss those times that you were carrying her and playing with her, saying that all boys are bad people except you.
How do you sleep at night knowing that you left your your first and only daughter?
Are you mad at me because you were expecting a boy instead of a girl?
it's not really my fault.
did you ever wonder where am i or if we are alright or if i am alright?

The days that i spent without you, so cold and so lonely with full of hate and i was so angry. The scar that you cause to me inside is bleeding. These peircing in my body. There's things i'll take to my grave. But don't worry i am ok.

Its been a long hard road without you by my side. You broke my mom's heart and have you ever think that you broke your daughter for life. I remember the days that you were my hero in my eyes, but you know those are just lost memories of mine. I know that you are happy and you don't even care about my mom. But you are forgetting something, you have a daughter, a daughter who didn't experience to be loved by her own dad. Rejected and lost.

And i doubt that you won't even recognize me. It's been 14 years since you left us.
You didn't even call or even say hi.
don't worry i am ok.

Sometimes i forget, but this time i'll admit.
that i miss you.
yes i said i miss you.
But still i hate you.

You don't deserve to have a father's day. People might think that you are a great father to your children...But what they don't know you are forgetting one daughter you have and you rejected her. You continue to live your life pretending that I don't even exist. I am fooling myself that you were gone, you died. But i can't live my life in lies, that the fact was you are alive, with your new family and live your life without a daughter who are so desperate to have a father.

Dad, dont worry, i know that the fact that you are trying to have a girl in your family but what ever you tried you end up to have a boy, and someday you will walk to my doors and ask for forgiveness and if i ever say you in the road walking with your children and your wife, i will introduce myself but not as your daughter, just a random person just to let you know that i am still alive.

I can forgive you but you know that the respect is gone.

Happy Father's Day dad.
Wishing you all the best of luck and to your family.

With All the Hate in this world,

Jake Evans

Honey I hate to admit but you my bad habit:;

2008-06-16T13:02:00.000-07:00

Forgetting you is the hardest thing to do that to say.
But honey, did you really expect me to stay
I can’t help but to feel like a fool.
Someone too stupid to know. I though you were a safe bet,
I though you weren’t the others…but no.

You are just too predictable!
Sweetie, you’re just way too predictable.

Count all those memories, & fool yourself.
Feed me l i e s.
Feed me those foolish things you always used to say to me.
& to think I tell for it

I’m not like the others.
I am not predictable.
Darling you thought I was the safe bet.

Sweetie, I am so lost. I’m drowning in a fool of regrets.
But it’s okay there are just things you’ll never care, you’ll never get

I just wish you’d walk away.
Just please walk away tonight.

You know this time your “SORRYS”
Just don’t do its justice.

I am so sick of hearing these apologies.
Action speaks louder that words,
But your words aren’t even loud enough.
Then again, words are NOTHING!
They mean N O T H I N G !

Say what you feel.
I’ll say what I feel too.
It’s okay to let it out in the open.

;;;

Because the harm has been done.
What more could you do??

Erase these memories, and just make sure,
Make sure that we pretend like we never met each other.

I’ll move on.
You’ll move on.
We will forget, not tomorrow, definitely not tonight.

But baby, one day, you know we are right for each other.
But I will be happy with someone else.

Moving on is the hardest thing i've ever done
in my whole life.
it's like forgetting my childhood.
but honey, did you really expect that i will stay?

because of you i can't help myself to think like
i am a fool.
someone too stupid to know.
i thought you are true.
i thought you are different.
i put all my bet on you because i though you were a safe bet.
but i thought wrong.

you are just too predictable.
honey, you just way too predictable.

reminising those memories, i been a fool.
feeding me with those lies.
feeding me with those foolish things you always used toi say to me.
and to think of it..
i believed those things.

now that i am lost in this forest of regrets
it's okay i will find a way to getr out in this forest.

i just wish you just walk away,
or just told me the truth instead of fooling me.
you know that i will understand.

you know that this time your sorrys
just don't do it's justice.

i am so sick of hearing your apologies.
action speaks louder than words
but your words aren't even loud enough.
then again, words are nothing.
they mean nothing to me.

say what you want to say and i will say what i want to say.
it is okay to let it out in the open,
because we all know that the harm has been done.
what more could you do??

erase these memories, and just make sure,
make sure that we pretend like we never met each other.

i will move on..
i will forget what we have.

and someday i will forget your name.
but baby, one day, you will realise that we are right for each other.
but when that day happens i will be happy to a person who already knew that.

2008-04-25T08:51:00.000-07:00

I am having this problem again!
i dont know what to write!!!!
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
i don't know what to do.
my head hurts.
i tried to look to the net for inspiration but all i got is NOTHING!
as in, NOTHING!!

::JakeyGlamour::

Girls, You need to read this! (edited)

2008-04-24T10:49:00.000-07:00

okay i think it's about time that the girls know what the guys really thinks!
well i know that i am a girl and sometime i forgot what is the feelings that my boyfriend feels.
it's always ME, ME, and oh yea ME!
okay don't tell me girls that, this is not true, because believe me every thing that i worte here in my
blog is true.
you are not alone, all the girls do this.
because we know that they love us so much that we haven't realised that they can be hurt too ton the things that
we say or do. sometimes we, girls, have to realise that those guys have feelings and emotions like us.
like for example, guys don't care if we are friends with other guys, but when you are sitting next to them and some random guys walks into the room and you jump and tackle him, without even introducing to them, it pisses
them off.
some guys are really good at hidding their emotion, but it's true.
And yeah it doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for like ten minutes without even acknowledging
the fact that they are there.
they don't care if a guy calls or text to us, but at 2 in a morning, they get a little concerned.
Like they will actually think that nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait until the morning?
also, when they said we are pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, cute, or stunning. they actually mean that. We just tell them that they are wrong, which the guy don't know that we just saying that so they can say some good things to us and to notice that we've been dong somethings so we can be pretty. But what we don't know that we don't need to have to get dressed upfor them, if we are going out with them we don't have to wear the shortest skirt we have or put on every kind of make up we own. they will love us for who we are and they think that girls are much beautiful if they are just in our PJ's or their shirt and boxers, not all dolled up.
a guy told me that the sexiest thing about girls is their confident. i don't know if that true, so i will continue typing.
okay, i don't about this but i think this but some girls get mad when they hold the door open.
like HELLO! he is just being a gentleman, you're lucky because some guys are not like that.
be mad if he doesn't care about you.

here's one thing about us, especially me, we need to "take advantage of the mood", like for example let them pay for us. don't feel bad. they enjoy doing it. instead of "feeling bad" for them, they are actually expecting us to smile and say "thank you" kiss them if no one is watching. but don't take advantage like you know those people who are taking them for granted, like using their money for free stuff.
but honestly i am not that kind of girl that some person will pay for my expences, yeah not going to happened.
i am kinda stubborn. i'm sorry.. XP
anyway, let's go back to what are we discussing.
we, girls, don't have to take everything seriously. guys love sarcasm, it's a beautiful thing to them and sometime we need to see the beauty in it.
so please girls don't get angry easily and stop using media or magazine as your bible.
they actually don't care if we talk about Criss Brown or Brad Pitt in front of them.
this is why we have "girl bonding" so we can talk about those guys, but if we are with them just focus on one thing. HIM!
instead of calling them "hey baby/stud/cutie/sexy" call them handsome or beautiful. they will be utterly stunned by a girl who will great him like that.
okay not all guys are saint.
like some guys are treating girls with no respect. like hello! are you a guy or a gay???
to those girls who aren't being treated rith by those guys, don't wait for him to change, ditch his sorry ass.
he's disgrace to the male population and find someone who will treat you utter respect.
someone who will honour your morals, not the one who will make you self esteem low.
someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest, not the one who makes you cry.
someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes, not the one who doesn't even care.
someone who will stop what they're doing just to look in to your eyes and say "i love you" and actually mean it, not the one who will look at other girls then look at you with hesitations and say i love you and don't know what it means.
you need to give the nice guys a chance. they are not whiny, they are not losers. beacause they are the one who will love you forever.

*Holding Hands
Girls :If you want to hold his hand,gently bump into it a couple oftimes
Guys: Grab it if it happens more than once
*Cuddling
Girls : When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you're cold
Guys : Automatically move closer toher.
*Movies
Girls : During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder
Guys : Lift her chin up and kiss her.*Loving each other
Guys : When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give hera peck on the lips, and tell her youlove her too...
And mean it.
*Laying below the stars
Girls : When you're both laying underthe stars, put your head on his chestand close your eyes as you listen tohis steady heart beat
Guys: Whisper in her ear and linkyour hands with hers.By 12 am tonight your one true lovewill realize how much they want you.

so girls and boys,
to make a relationship going and strong, you people need to respect each other, love each other and trust each other.
don't make a little things worst. don't over-react to what people say.
cherish the times when you with that someone special.
and enjoy.. :D

::JakeyGlamour::

My Inspiration - Morris "Morrie" Schwartz

2008-04-19T05:54:00.000-07:00

Before I have a project and the topic was "My Inspiration". When I first heard that I said to myself "oh that's easy!", but when I'm actually doing it, I was so frustrated to myself because I don't know who inspires me. I don’t want to my mom coz that is so obvious.
Then after a week I said to myself that my inspiration are my friends and how they make me strong when I am so far away from them because they know that it's really hard for me to be here and they are the ones that makes me strong. (Well their still are.)
But now I am pretty sure who is the person who inspires me, and that's MORRIS "MORRIE" SCHWARTZ.

Morrie was an amazing guy. He was a renowned professor of sociology at Brandeis University, where he was well respected and admired by his colleagues and students. Then Morrie Schwartz continued to teach at Brandeis into his 70s and he love dancing but as Mitch says the dancing has to stop when amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (or ALS, also known as Lou Gehrig's disease) made it too difficult for him to continue.
I first noticed him when in the film "Tuesdays with Morrie" and people told me that there is actually a book of that film so I bought the book, and I know that Mitch Albom wrote this but he was actually talking to him. All the wisdom and lesson give me a point of you of life.

Yesterday, 18 April 2008, I bought the book called "Morrie in his word of wisdom", and I feel honoured to read that book because I feel like he was talking to me saying those wisdom words.
I feel sad that I actually haven't met him before he died. I really want to meet him or actually talk to him even just an e-mail. But I know that things happened for a reason and even though he died, he is now in heaven with his family and looking here in this world smiling and saying
"Even though I'm dead people learned to my experiences and to the words of wisdom that I say." He will be so happy too because he is still teaching us the meaning of life and death. To his experience people will never forget him.
He was a person, he was an old man, he was a professor, and he was a friend with a great heart and teaches us the greatest lesson of life.

People first watched him or saw him in Nightline Show hosted by Ted Koppel in 1995.
Koppel ask him what am I going to do if I get this disease or a doctor said to me im dying. (Something like that)
And he answered this following:

1. talk about it - don't loss the self esteem it’s very important to keep that self esteem.

2. Accept it - this is you! If you are a disabled person, Morrie is one but he's not ashamed of it as long that u have your mind and your heart.

3. Keep an open heart - and open it up further and further and further until you accomplish as much as you can with your love

"Sound like sappy but its not." Then he continue

4. be alert and aware to the things that really interest you and go for it. - be involve!

5. be compassionate -be compassionate to yourself, to other people,

6. Treat yourself gently- be kind to yourself, you didn't create your illness so you shouldn’t punishing yourself for having that illness

Then he said to Ted,
"There are mornings when I cry and cry and mourn for myself. Some mornings, I’m so angry and bitter. But it doesn't last too long. Then I get up and say, 'I want to live...' So far I've able to do it. Will I able to continue? I don't know. But I'm betting to myself that I will…”

And I really love the story about that little wave…

There’s this little wave, a he-wave who’s bobbing up and down in the ocean off the shore, having a great time. All the sudden, he realizes he’s going to crash into the shore. In this big wide ocean, he’s now moving toward the shore, and he’ll be annihilated.
“My God, what’s going to happen to me?” he says, a sour and despairing look in his face. Along comes a female wave, bobbing up and down, having a great time. And the female wave says to the male wave,“Why are you so depressed?” the male says, "You don't understan. You're going to crash into the shore, and you'll be nothing."
She says, “You don’t understand. You’re not a wave; you’re part of the ocean.”

And that’s what Morrie believe.
Morrie said he is not a wave he is part of the ocean. He is part of all humanity.
Then Ted asked so you're not going to die?
He said "I’m going to die and I’m also going to live on. To some other form? Who knows? but im truly believe that I am part of a larger hole of some power people call it God I don’t know if that's right term but I have to take time to get there and now is the time to be there but it's all a mystery I still don’t know the answer I want to work this out for myself, I’m struggling to find out what's the answer is, but what I do know what for me is the best hell out is faithfulness. And move in through the next domain whatever that is.

Morrie said that it’s important to discuss about death more and more, coz when you hide it’s generate inside you, you suffer with it. You will think it is horrible but his medication teacher told him something that blew his mind away, she said this to him “Morrie maybe your view of life and death should be considered. Maybe the distance between life and death isn’t great as you may think.” then Morrie said “You mean it’s not chasm, two mountain and that big valley between? You mean it’s only a little bridge across a small river. I don’t know. But there is another view this culture is so stock on death in terms of its fear hiding it, not knowing what to do, that what’s I’m saying is I’m won’t turn away, I’m looking at it.”

After days Morrie called Ted Koppel that he wants to have an interview because he doesn’t know when he will loss his voice because of the disease.
Ted said “How will you giving when you can no longer speak?”
Morrie said to him “It’s going to be an interesting challenge. I’m already saying to family and friends, ‘You’ll tell me what you’re thinking and feeling, and you’ll feel my response. I won’t able to be articulate it, but you’ll see it in my face.’ My face, I think, is very mobile and should remain expressive. But if they want to discuss something and get my feedback or help, they will have to frame much of what they saying as questions that I can answer in a yes-or-no code. That’s the way I am approaching to coming loss of my speech. I hope I’ll discover new means and mechanism when the time arrives.”

Koppel ask Morrie “That’s 70 years ago your mother die. The pain still goes on?”
“You bet,” Morrie whispered.

Tears to Morrie strengthen him when he cry it won‘t weaken him, he cry a lot of things all at once. “Sometimes I cry because of the pain of the world. Because I held the pain of this world.” Morrie said with his teary eyes.
And there are a lot of things they talk about, and I lost track of it.

“Get as much help as you can when you need it.”

If you need help ask for it. For example, if you’re failing one subject and one of your friend ask you if you need help and you refuse it you will continue to fail it. If you just take the help there is a chance that you will pass that subject.
Morrie wrote this “People refuse help because they feel their self-esteem on their ‘independent’. We fear somehow or other we have been diminished because we need, wants, and desires another’s person help.”
And I think that it’s very true people think that they can do this, that or everything. Because of what people may think they are. They said “they can do it on their own”, but the truth is no they can’t. All people need help, and it wouldn't hurt us to take one or ask for one. If you refuse it, you will either be upset for the rest of your life or something bad will happen to you. XP

“Watch for emotional, spiritual, or behavioural regressions when you are most vulnerable. Try to avoid, minimize, or stop your regression.”

Frustration arises easily when you are in a physically or emotionally vulnerable state, especially when you are tired, sleepless, or anxious.

Be honest with those who are close to you. Let them know that you are in a bad mood and, if possible, be specific about the nature of what has you out of sort. Who knows - if you tell them you are tired because you did not sleep well, they may offer to give you a relaxing massage or something soothing to you. If you are anxious because on your change in your condition, talk about your feelings to a family member or a friend. And if you are the person who is listening that your loved one looking to you for answer or solution. Often the fact that you listened sympathetically will make him or her feel better. (Morrie wrote these things)

“If you found yourself fantasizing that you’re no longer sick and have been restored to your previous level of functioning, stay with that fantasy as long as it gives you pleasure. But return to reality when the fantasy becomes painful or when it is otherwise necessary for you to so.”

You might think is not true but fantasy is good. Like Albert Einstein said “Imagination is better than knowledge”, we should allow our imagination to roam all over the place as long as it doesn’t make your reality more painful to you. As to Morrie, one day dreamed he was running, full of speed and vigour, and he said “Wow! I don’t have ALS”. He was ecstatic! Then he woke up. In the movie “Tuesdays with Morrie”, every time Morrie is listening to the music he has his eyes close. He imagines himself dancing around the room. The fantasy gives him pleasure, but only for a while. Because if he allowed himself to dwell on it too long, it would sadden him when he opened his eyes to the reality.

“Come to terms with the fact that you will never again be fully physically comfortable. Enjoy the times you are comfortable enough.”

I really like this one. Everybody who is young and healthy they really need to enjoy that they have because you’ll never know if you’re going to have a dying disease like Morrie had. And you will blame yourself that you didn’t do anything. But things happened to a reason, Morrie enjoy his life even if he have ALS. He was with his love ones, his friends, and what he’s teaching us is while we are young and healthy we need to enjoy life. Do things that interest you. Because someday when we got old we will not able to do the some things because our resistance can’t handle it. And when you did what you did you will have no regrets.

“Accept the past as past, without denying it or discarding it. Reminisce about it, but don’t live with it. Learn from it, don’t punish yourself about it or continually regret it. Don’t get stuck on it.”

Living in the moment doesn’t mean rejecting the past. It means you react to whatever is happening now. If you were thinking about the past, for that moment that’s where you are emotionally. Some older people or people who are gravely ill have lots or regrets. “If only I had to done this. If only I had married that woman. If only I had taken that career step.” They are stuck in the past, and it is such a waste of time. Rather, look at the past and ask “what did I learn? What can I learn from it? How does it help me right now?”
Keep in mind that not everything needs to be resolved for you to reach a point where you are able to be an open and loving caregiver. In terms of talking about the past, follow the ill person’s initiative. You will learn some to there experience. Some will want to talk about the past; some will be selective about which parts they want to discuss; so may not or may feel more comfortable talking about it to an outsider. (Morrie’s words)

“Learn to forgive yourself and to forgive others. Ask for forgiveness from others. Forgiveness can soften the heart, drain the bitterness, and dissolve your guilt.”

Forgiveness is a tricky term. It doesn’t only mean that you apologise, although regretting what you did is part of it. Forgiveness helps come to term with the past. Morrie learned to forgive himself, and this has helped him no longer feel deep regrets or sadness about his past.

“Do what the Buddhist do. Everyday, have a little bird on your shoulder that asks, ‘is today the day? Am I ready? Am I doing all I need to do? Am I being the person I want to be?’” and Morrie ask himself if he going to die, is this the day he will going to die. He is Jewish but he enjoy some philosophy of Buddhist and Christianity, and people known him to this statement

“Once you learn how die, you’ll learn how to live.”

“Because most of us all walk around as if we are sleepwalking. We really don’t experience the world fully, because we’re half-asleep, doing things we automatically think we have to do. And yes facing death will changes that. You strip away all that stuff and you focus on the essentials. When you realize you are going to die, you will see everything much differently.”
He said all this to his buddy Mitch Albom. Morrie said to him “the truth is, if you really listen to that bird on your shoulder, if you accept that you can die at any time--- then you might not be as ambitious as you are”
I think he is just not talking this to him he’s saying to us. We should listen to the bird on our shoulder.
I’m still reading the book “Tuesdays with Morrie” but my favourite part of it when he said to Mitch Albom “What I’m doing now, is detaching myself from the experience…”
“…Detaching myself and this is important--not just someone like me, who is dying, but for someone but for someone like you, who is perfectly healthy. Learn to detach. You know what Buddhist say? Don’t cling to things, because everything is impermanent. But detachment doesn’t mean you don’t let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That’s how you are able to leave it.”
Then Mitch was lost to the conversation so Morrie elaborate it more.
“Take any emotion --- love for a woman or grief for a loved one, or what I’m going through, fear and pain from deadly illness. If you hold back on the emotion --- if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them---you can never get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails. But throwing yourself to this emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is. And only the can you say, ‘Alright. I have experienced that emotion. I recognise that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment.’”
It’s natural to die. When we were born we made contact that we were going to die. Everything that gets born dies.

“Be grateful that you have been given the time to learn how to learn how to die.”

We all know that we are dying…day by day we’re getting closer to out death. The best way to deal with that is to live in a fully conscious, compassionate, loving way. Many people close to dying have said the same thing, and I think there is a lot of truth to it. Don’t wait until you’re on your deathbed to recognize that this is the only way to live. To quote Stephen Levine, “Love is the only rational act.” The Beatles said it: “Love is all you need.” W.H. Auden said it: “Love each other or die.” Many others, including Jesus, have said it, but we won’t listen.
Why don’t we listen? Our egos are always getting are always gettingg in the way saying “Me, me first---don’t worry about the other guy.” We have to realise that we must be responsible to and for each other. That is the most loving act we can perform. (Morrie’s word)

“Learn how to live, and you will know how to die; learn how to die, and you’ll know how to live.”

My favourite quote that Morrie said.
Morrie said the best preparation for living fully and well is to be prepared to die at any time, because impending death inspires clarity of purpose, a homing in on what really matters to you. When you feel that the end is near, you are most likely to pay close attention to whatever you treasure, especially relationships with loves one.

Here’s a question,
what do you think I learned from him to all this word of wisdom?

This Article is about my inspiration "Morrie", I feel lucky to talk about him and share his words. All the wisdom words you read here is made by Morrie
To those who doesn't know Morrie died 13 years ago. Last November 5, 1995.
But his words are still alive to some people, to his family, to his friends, to his colleagues, to Mitch Albom and to me.

References:
Wikipedia
Tuesdays With Morrie(the book)
Morrie in his own words
Morrie: Lesson in Life with Ted Koppel

::JakeyGlamour::

why do i write?

2008-04-15T09:40:00.000-07:00

Why do i write?

i write to express my feelings and vent my frustrations.
i write so that my voice will be heard, not lost in the crowd.
i write in hopes that someone will understand relate sympathize.
i write because communication is key.
i write because the paper won't laugh.
the paper won't turn away.
the paper will always listen.
i write to feel like i'm doing something constructive with my time,
to feel like i'm not a complete slacker.
i don't write for hardcore scene points.
i do write because i'm a silly girl and clumsy too.
i write because somehow it makes me feel like my problems aren't trivial.
i write because i have trouble expressing myself vocally,
but can't keep it all trapped inside.
i write because i miss colleen, robby, borja, eli, and sometimes still jacob.
i write because i don't see amaina often enough.
i write because i can be a strong empowered woman on paper.
i wrte because i'm not satisfied with myself
and writing helps me figure out what the heck is going on in my head.

::JakeyGlamour::

OMG! i hate school.

2008-04-10T10:57:00.000-07:00

i'm tired, i'm exhausted, i'm confused, i'm deceived, i'm annoyed, i am whatever.

the past days of my life have been pretty typical. nothing great, nothing horrible. just life, you know. i have a lot of homework to do, and all i'm trying to do is to forget about them, cause else i will freak out, and die.

i'm not over exagerating anything, it's just how i see things. you see things your way, i see things my way. many people say that school, should help you find your way. well, all it's done to me is
deceiving me. it's boring, it's long, it's useless, i don't learn anything.
my teacher in french and english is useless! she is lazy, like i feel stupid because we don't do anything. i really want to learn english and french.

and it's depressing when you get less than 6 hours of sleep a night, for months, just so you can do homework for classes you don't even care about. my days are pretty much, waking up at 6:20, going to school at 8:00, going back home whenever my classes are done, having dinner, doing homework, going to bed past midnight. that's all. it's a real social suicide. and no, i'm no pessimist, i'm only human, and i actually say what i think. and i think a lot about stuff. i analyze, acknowledge, learn. i have the ability to express my feelings, a thing that some people will never have, why not use it?

i'm a very very reserved person, i never really talk about my feelings to people cause i know i can get through my problems myself, most of time. i don't need anyone to tell me what to do. and it's not because i am stuck up, it is because i think everybody should decide what they want to do. why would you listen to your friend about whether you should move out or not? why would you need to listen to your mom about whether you should study arts or medecine? okay, they can help you make that point. but if they tell you to move out, and that you find out you shouldn't have. who are you going to blame? them. and that way, you will never learn from your own mistakes. you will constantly, all your life, blame everybody else but yourself.

and a friend called me pessimist a week or two ago. yes, apparently i am what i am. for simply putting reality into my words. i am not depressed, i do not make things worst. i only tried to tell that friend how i felt, about life in general and some things. and all i got back is '' jake, you're so pessimist. '', then why the hell do you think i am so closed on myself? duh?

i am being much of a prufrockian right now, but i can't help it. this analyze of myself and other people could go on and on. it could never end. but then, when it's time to analyze a simple poem, or a short story for a class. i can't. i just can't.

::JakeyGlamour::

Everything's gonna be alright...right???

2008-04-09T12:16:00.000-07:00

i have no idea how many time did i say that to myself.
"everything's gonna be alright.."
hundred?? maybe a thousand..
but apparently a lot of things aren't right.
i know it's weird, but wait?
i'm weird!
^^,)
but you know those tv shows, with a lot of drama and -bad- things happening every single episode, kinda like ugly betty. if you think about it, our lives is like that. i know, but it's true.
you just don't know, and don't think about it,
cause you don't see a résumé of your life every thursday night at 8 pm. you probably already said that those drama-comedy shows are stupid, fake, and ridiculous. but they're based on real people, real events, and real things.
it's no science fiction, no harry potter, no lord of the rings.

i've been scared to do the wrong move, and get hit by a bus, if you can see what i mean. i've been scared to do this, that or anything. i'm usually not like that, i usually do whatever i want, whenever i want. but i've been thinking about where this might get me, and how it could affect my life. i've always done what i wanted without really thinking, i'm one of those people working very hard until they get what they want. you know, those people who don't stop at all, until they get that thing. well, that's me. and probably you too, and probably someone else too. then, around us, other people are sitting down, relaxing, taking life very easy, and somehow waiting for death and nothing else. it's a very interesting contrast, and when you think about it for too long it gets confusing.

the thing i've mostly been thinking about is the leaving certificate and entering to college. i'm still confuse what course i'm gonna take, what university i'm going to apply.
i love forensic science, i love art, i love photography, i love electorinic and computers..
i don't know what to chose!
i'm so confuse right now!

and believe me, these are a thousand of the questions running in circle in my mind.

i guess it's normal to get to a time in your life where you need to make the point of many things, where you ask yourself a lot of questions. but still, it's a strange moment that i'm going to ask myself,
am i gonna die tomorrow? will i ever get married? will i ever have children? am i going to get the work i want to get? is the planet going to explode tomorrow? is it God coming right now? if i die, where am i going? hell or heaven?

and to be honest, i've been asking myself these questions for years and years. when i was in first grade of elementary school, instead of thinking about learning my numbers and alphabet, i'd be thinking about death, how long i'm gonna live and how i'm gonna die. i'd be scared not to wake up the next morning whenever i'd go to bed.

so is everything gonna be alright?
that i really don't know.

global warming, war, deseases, cancers, cigarettes, drugs, criminals, aids, guns, melting icebergs.
that's hard to tell if everything's gonna be alright..

::JakeyGlamour::

How's everyone??

2008-04-08T09:51:00.000-07:00

Hello Guys!

How's everybody??
myself, i'm doing good..really good.
but i'm kinda tired and exhausted.
i have like an essay due tomorrow and i just had two test.
i'm going to have a test this thursday and friday.
i just have my French Orals.
i was so scared but i got over it. :D
i have homeworks too.
i have to learn 5 chapters in Home Economics and 3 Chapters in Chemistry and 1 chapters in Physics.
Thank God, i have free classes today!

HORAY!!!!! \O/\O/\O/

i'm so happy that spring is finally over!
well actually its still cold out here but few months it will be summer!
i really miss the sun.
you know the feeling that you can see the sun rays but you can't feel it warmth?
i know, i know that's so emo!
but really its true!

OMG!
i realised that someone just randomly steeling my photos
and they will say that they are me..
like please be yourself.
the only website that i have is my friendster and my bebo and this blog.
like i'm not that famous and they stealing pictures of me..
please don't steal my photos,
i'm not cute, i'm not beautiful, nor pretty or sexy!
^^,)
anyways i need to go back to my friendster..^^,)
and post some blogs there..

::JakeyGlamour::

New Hair Style!!

2008-04-07T08:30:00.000-07:00

this is my new hair style!

\ /

ok you'll say "like i care.."
but im really enjoying this new hair cut.
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

before this is my hair cut.

and now oh yea!
my new hair stlye is right over there in the top top top picture..^^,)

cool isn't???

but here's the story of this hair.
i went to this parlour.
they are full of gays..
which heaven to me..
:D
then there this gay name lani,
i think thats his name..
anyways i went there and i said
"i would like an hair cut"
he said
"sure what style do you want?"
i said
"well anything that short and layered"
he said
"okay their are plenty of style that short and layered"
i said
"well just do one that really suits me"
well like for 30 minutes there i have this!

horay!
then after a while
my mom said that i look like him

like i look like him..
first im a girl..then second he is a guy..
ok whatever but i dont look like him do you agree?

I HAVE A NEW HAIR STYLE AND I DONT LOOK LIKE THAT DUDE!

do you agree????

^^,)

JakeyGlamour

Introducing Myself

2008-04-06T10:03:00.000-07:00

ok i'm new here.
my name is jake.
i'm a girl.
well actually some of my friends are confuse with my gender.
but this is not the time to talk about that, isn't?
anyway, i'm an only child.
they said that only child are spoiled brat.
i'm not a brat, just spoiled.
i'm moody.
very moody..^^,)
i have 2 sickness.
one, mood swing.
second, paranoia.
i don't tell jokes and i don't get them.
i'm pretty crazy!
i'm addicted to emo, goths and gays..^^,)
i love stars.
like i can look at them all night.
but here in Ireland there are few stars.
maybe because of the light pollution or maybe there are clouds blocking it.
otherway i don't care what its a reason.
i love to complain, it kinda a habit..
i'm ASIAN!
and i'm proud of it!
hello kitty makes me smile..

::JakeyGlamour::