FHYHYFDYFAH

fuck you!

f*ck y**

i fuckin' hate you.

done is done.

heartbroken

it's been a while since i posted a blog.

it's been a while since i write.

i know in writting all my feelings and emotion in a blog won't help me,

but will ease a little bit of what i am encountering right now.

somehow, i realised that if you love someone so pure and devine.

that you given everything to him.

that you know deep in your heart will be the reason of all the pain i am experiencing.

i hate him for abandoning me.

but i still love him and waits for his text or call.

i so stupid.

well i have to learn how to move on again.

in order to bring back my life.

the life that i have given to him.

the question is will i learn to let him go?

since you left me, my life is gone.

i will admit it.
because of you.
i am what i am
you know that i loved you, i loved you so much that i could give my soul just for you.
but you throw that thing away.
i was broken.
i was hurt.
i moved on.
but still afraid to fall in love.
im with this amazing guy, who loves me for who i am.
love me for my worst..
a guy who wont leave me.
yea i love him.
but not as much as i love you before.

you're the one to blame.
you should told me before that you cant love me.
and you will just love me as friends.
because you know i will accept it.
what you choose to hurt me.
introduce in pain.
in depression.
now that i am totally move on, i am still afraid to give my whole heart to this amazing guy.
i love him so much, but i cant give my whole heart.
because once he left me, i will have nothing.

nothing,
me,
all alone.
again.

i am afraid to be in that side of the road.
so depress.
i want to die.
i want to melt.

i am still afraid to show what i really feels.
what the real me.


i am afraid to fall in love again.
i am in love with the idea of being in love and being love with.
but i cant imply this since i am still afraid.

afraid of pain.
afraid of misery.
afraid to be depress.

i try to took my life when you left me.
and i am thanking God that im still alive that the fact is i will meet an amazing guy.
but God left something and that's my trust.

trust to be loved by a guy.
i think all guys are like you.
all guys are liars.
what they say to me is just a lie.

whats wrong with me?
i trust guy when they say they care.
i fall in love too easily and get hurt too easily.

you took away the most beautiful thing in my life.
and that is.
my love.

my love to you.
my love to a guy.
my love to my friends.
my love to anyone.

you destroy my life.
and now,
i am coming back to take it back again.
to seek my revenge.


i am taking the back the life you stole.
i am here.
and.
i was here..

MY GOD!
you're always like this.
everytime, EVERYTIME, i try to avoid you and erase you in my life.
you always show up.
like everything is fine!
i, myself, will pretend that everything is okay and i forgave you.


It's always like this, it's always the same!
the fact that im trying to forget you was working before.
but everytime you always show up..
BACK TO SQUARE ONE again!
you know that i can't resist you.
and i know that too.
but if you are a good friend and a bestfriend, you will lend me the time to think, to be happy.
you know that your always be my bestfriend..
all i need is time.


it's okay for me to talk to you, but everytime you are talking to me,
you always abandon me, neglected me, ignore me..and leave me like you are not talking to anyone.



DAMN IT!



you always do this things,
and i'm still not use of it!

Father's Day

Dear Dad,

I am writting to you not to tell you that i still hate you, i'm writting to you to ask you how you feel and how we fell apart?
Are you happy out there in your own family? Have you ever think about you only daughter? Do you miss those times that you were carrying her and playing with her, saying that all boys are bad people except you.
How do you sleep at night knowing that you left your your first and only daughter?
Are you mad at me because you were expecting a boy instead of a girl?
it's not really my fault.
did you ever wonder where am i or if we are alright or if i am alright?

The days that i spent without you, so cold and so lonely with full of hate and i was so angry. The scar that you cause to me inside is bleeding. These peircing in my body. There's things i'll take to my grave. But don't worry i am ok.

Its been a long hard road without you by my side. You broke my mom's heart and have you ever think that you broke your daughter for life. I remember the days that you were my hero in my eyes, but you know those are just lost memories of mine. I know that you are happy and you don't even care about my mom. But you are forgetting something, you have a daughter, a daughter who didn't experience to be loved by her own dad. Rejected and lost.

And i doubt that you won't even recognize me. It's been 14 years since you left us.
You didn't even call or even say hi.
don't worry i am ok.

Sometimes i forget, but this time i'll admit.
that i miss you.
yes i said i miss you.
But still i hate you.

You don't deserve to have a father's day. People might think that you are a great father to your children...But what they don't know you are forgetting one daughter you have and you rejected her. You continue to live your life pretending that I don't even exist. I am fooling myself that you were gone, you died. But i can't live my life in lies, that the fact was you are alive, with your new family and live your life without a daughter who are so desperate to have a father.

Dad, dont worry, i know that the fact that you are trying to have a girl in your family but what ever you tried you end up to have a boy, and someday you will walk to my doors and ask for forgiveness and if i ever say you in the road walking with your children and your wife, i will introduce myself but not as your daughter, just a random person just to let you know that i am still alive.

I can forgive you but you know that the respect is gone.


Happy Father's Day dad.
Wishing you all the best of luck and to your family.




With All the Hate in this world,


Jake Evans

Honey I hate to admit but you my bad habit:;

Forgetting you is the hardest thing to do that to say.
But honey, did you really expect me to stay
I can’t help but to feel like a fool.
Someone too stupid to know. I though you were a safe bet,
I though you weren’t the others…but no.

You are just too predictable!
Sweetie, you’re just way too predictable.

Count all those memories, & fool yourself.
Feed me l i e s.
Feed me those foolish things you always used to say to me.
& to think I tell for it

I’m not like the others.
I am not predictable.
Darling you thought I was the safe bet.

Sweetie, I am so lost. I’m drowning in a fool of regrets.
But it’s okay there are just things you’ll never care, you’ll never get

I just wish you’d walk away.
Just please walk away tonight.

You know this time your “SORRYS”
Just don’t do its justice.

I am so sick of hearing these apologies.
Action speaks louder that words,
But your words aren’t even loud enough.
Then again, words are NOTHING!
They mean N O T H I N G !

Say what you feel.
I’ll say what I feel too.
It’s okay to let it out in the open.

;;;

Because the harm has been done.
What more could you do??

Erase these memories, and just make sure,
Make sure that we pretend like we never met each other.

I’ll move on.
You’ll move on.
We will forget, not tomorrow, definitely not tonight.

But baby, one day, you know we are right for each other.
But I will be happy with someone else.

Moving on is the hardest thing i've ever done
in my whole life.
it's like forgetting my childhood.
but honey, did you really expect that i will stay?

because of you i can't help myself to think like
i am a fool.
someone too stupid to know.
i thought you are true.
i thought you are different.
i put all my bet on you because i though you were a safe bet.
but i thought wrong.

you are just too predictable.
honey, you just way too predictable.

reminising those memories, i been a fool.
feeding me with those lies.
feeding me with those foolish things you always used toi say to me.
and to think of it..
i believed those things.

now that i am lost in this forest of regrets
it's okay i will find a way to getr out in this forest.

i just wish you just walk away,
or just told me the truth instead of fooling me.
you know that i will understand.

you know that this time your sorrys
just don't do it's justice.

i am so sick of hearing your apologies.
action speaks louder than words
but your words aren't even loud enough.
then again, words are nothing.
they mean nothing to me.

say what you want to say and i will say what i want to say.
it is okay to let it out in the open,
because we all know that the harm has been done.
what more could you do??

erase these memories, and just make sure,
make sure that we pretend like we never met each other.

i will move on..
i will forget what we have.

and someday i will forget your name.
but baby, one day, you will realise that we are right for each other.
but when that day happens i will be happy to a person who already knew that.